In the bottom of a valley, beneath a seemingly endless sky, a girl of 16 streaks across the landscape on horseback, her long black pigtails flying out behind her. Hot on her heels, sweat pouring down his face as he spurs his horse on, is her hunter. Onlookers hold their breath, hardly daring to look, and their cries crescendo as the young man begins to gain on his prize. Whatever she does she cannot break free – he is stronger, faster and very, very determined.
The competing pair are adrenalin-fuelled and delighted to be showing off their horsemanship before so many enthusiastic spectators. Their game of kyz kuumai (kiss the bride) is just a piece of fun, a hark back to Kyrgyzstan’s nomadic past and the tradition of kidnapping goats and women from neighboring clans. If the boy catches the girl he is entitled to kiss her passionately but, if he fails, she will turn around and whip him soundly for his failings.
Despite the frivolity, however, not everyone in the crowd is amused. For some, this is not only a game but a painful reminder of a rudely interrupted adolescence or the sudden loss of a daughter, and a harsh reality that still stalks parts of Kyrgyzstan today.
A 2007 survey found that approximately half of all marriages in Kyrgyzstan involved bride-napping, two thirds of which were non-consensual. The groom may be undesirable, in which case a bride-napping is the easiest way to find him a wife, and his friends and family may jointly abduct a stranger on his behalf. If the girl they are after is not home when the abductors arrive, a younger sister or cousin may be taken in her stead.
In other circumstances, the bride and groom’s parents may arrange a marriage between their two families. If the girl does not consent, she can be bride-napped and held (hospitably) hostage until she is convinced of the virtues of her in-laws, or simply becomes resigned to her fate. The social stigma attached to walking away, even from a forced marriage, is strong as a girl’s honor is considered disgraced; girls and their families are compelled to accept the match. School girls fear the pounding of hooves or, as is more often the case in 2012, the sudden appearance of a white Lada car pulling up alongside them on the curbside.
Despite increasing westernization in Kyrgyzstan, incidences of bride snatching show no signs of decline: what is starting slowly to change is the expectation of consent. Economic hardship makes paying the customary kalym (bride price) difficult, and weddings are elaborate and expensive affairs, with families often bankrupting themselves to pay the bills. To circumvent the expenditure, young brides and grooms are now arranging the snatching themselves, turning a terrifying tradition into a socially acceptable form of elopement. Brides may even be forewarned by their suitors when and where to expect their abduction. Text messaging is the preferred medium! Bride-napping is also a convenient way to bypass familial approval: by the time parents are able to voice discontent at the match, the couple are already married and safely out of reach.
Bride-napping is not unique to Kyrgyzstan but it is deeply entwined with the local culture, society and economic situation. Although abhorrent in its most violent forms, the gradual evolution towards mutually-consenting abduction reveals that it is not a black and white issue: for some young couples it is a cheap, easy and desirable stepping stone to marriage. Viewers of Sacha Baren Coen’s film, Borat, may cringe in horror at the protagonist’s attempt to capture Pamela Anderson in his ‘wedding sack’, but the incident does ably demonstrate the fine, and often culturally defined, line between social acceptability and criminality.
No comments:
Post a Comment